This is Exciting ~ I'm REALLY Feeling!!

I thought the trip to the hosp. was worthless prior to it and after it but I'm beginning to see the benefits. I was very angry about going, especially with Eve and Aurora here. Oh BTW I absolutely LOVED having them here and I'm so grateful for having so much time to get to know them as they are now!! I hope I didn't corrupt them too much!! But we had a lot of fun. We laughed so much. I hope I can get two more kids soon!!!! Tawny would do fine here alone and so would David but the younger ones would go stark raving crazy from boredom. I hope ALL of them can come in spaced out times sometime. It will give me such a fantastic opportunity to get to really know them and for them to get to really know me!! Maybe I'll get a job and can pay for them to come. And I will drive much more carefully since that one way street incident is why Janice put me in the hospital. Anyhow back to the feeling stuff. When they discharged me they'd changed my meds. They put me on adderoll to help me focus better and Cymbalta as an antidepressant. But something wonderful happened!! My ins. co wouldn't cover the Cymbalta and I'm doing better than I've EVER done in my life!!!! I'm going to try to stay off the Cymbalta. The adderoll helps only with adult attention deficit disorder but it's working miracles. By being forced not to take the Cymbalta I've found I feel like I used to. A long time ago. The one change .... I'm crying and I'm really feeling my feelings. I have to admit that feeling the pain, betrayal, abandonment and anger really sucks but it's so wonderful that I can cry .... and I'm not talking about my typical few tears rolling down my cheeks, I can have lots of tears flow. This is a gift!!! Now I can feel exuberance and joy. I can feel the Spirit so much stronger. I can feel everything. I was told in one blessing that until I could really learn to feel the pain and cry I wouldn't really feel excitement, joy, the blessings of feeling the Spirit ..... I didn't know how true that was until now. WOW!!!! It's so wonderful. Sometimes so awful but it's worth the awful to get to the wonderful. I am so happy!! Just had to share that. I know that doesn't mean I'm cured but it sure means I'm well on my way!!! I love you all so much!!!!!!!!!!!!! (And if Tom does the "Who Wants to Marry a Hunk of a Cowboy" thing I will check into a hospital just so they have to prove their worth by coming to see me.) ROFLMAO